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Jimmy Fallon on Monday had to turn the bitter and contentious Supreme Court confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh into comedy. Fallon stuck mostly to a familiar laugh-line about Kavanaugh: He likes beer.
“Right after the confirmation vote, many Republicans began applauding. Kavanaugh would have clapped for himself, but he had already duct-taped two 40-ounce beers to each hand.” — JIMMY FALLON
“While Kavanaugh was being sworn in there were lots of angry protesters outside. It got even worse when Kavanaugh stepped onto the balcony and threw beads at the crowd.” — JIMMY FALLON
Fallon also made a reference to the personal calendars Kavanaugh keeps. (The judge showed one from 1982 during his confirmation hearing, while defending himself against sexual assault allegations.)
“On Saturday night, Brett Kavanaugh was sworn in as Supreme Court justice. He said it was a night he’ll never forget, because he wrote it on a weird calendar he’ll keep for 30 years.” — JIMMY FALLON
“A man in Kentucky who is also named Brett Kavanagh went viral this weekend for tweeting, ‘This is a terrible time to be named Brett Kavanagh.’ Then a guy named Bill Cosby Weinstein was like, ‘It could be worse!’” — JIMMY FALLON
Kimmel on Indigenous People’s Day
Most late-night shows were off on Monday, some as part of a weeklong vacation and others in observance of Columbus Day. Jimmy Kimmel went on the air, and he dismissed Columbus Day as “a federally mandated holiday today that no one seems to celebrate anymore.”
Kimmel said Columbus’s legacy wasn’t as simple as American history books once held.
“Columbus didn’t really discover America. Columbus discovered America in the same way we just all discovered poke.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
But he was feeling cynical about the alternative name for the holiday that many people have come to use instead: Indigenous People’s Day. Kimmel joked that holidays in the United States aren’t just about commemorations — they’re about sales, too. He wasn’t sure Indigenous People’s Day passed the capitalism test.
“Somebody needs to come up with a catchier name than Indigenous People’s Day. It took me 14 minutes to spell it today. I get it, but that word is not going to sell any mattresses, that’s all.” — JIMMY KIMMEL